Bev here. I know I have been really shitty at times, making retard jokes, laughing at handicapped drooling kids, and generally being a huge fugging nightmare to telemarketers and Jehovah's Witnesses alike. But tonight, for the first time in 20 odd years, the Heat have an actual shot at winning the NBA title.And since you are the Head Nigga In Charge, I thought I'd cut through the ranks of middle management (Pope, imam, My Little Pony) to get results as quickly as possible.
God, if you let the Heat win the championship title tonight, I will be sure to change my sheets more than once a month and stop picking at that flaky spot on my scalp when no one is looking. I'll even stop stealing orange jellies from the candy bins at Publix. No fucking around here! Just give us a Heat victory, please. I need to know what it's like to root for a winning team. I'm a liberal Democrat and a long time Knicks fan, so you see, unless the Heat win tonight, I might just die a huge, HUGE loser.I also apologize screaming your name out when I was having sex. I wasn't using your name in vain, I swear.
Your humble creation,
Bev
