Dear Scooter,
Sorry it took me so long to write you again. I have been having a whole heap of fun here at my favorite place in the world, Camp David. Camp David is awesome! Have you been here before? I will ask my daddy if you can come visit. You'd love it! They don't have any big people with microphones here! We can swim and go tubing, and play ping pong!
Anyhow, Fat Cheney is very worried about you. He says that all this bad press is bad for the Republican party. Then he went on and on about "those liberal bastards at FBI and the commie press." He was turning very red in the face, so I got scared. I ran off and read "My Pet Goat" three times until I calmed down. I wanted to blow up another country just so I felt better, but daddy says what for, we have too much money in the bank already.
Well I sure miss you ol' buddy. The White House ain't the same without you. I can't understand a word of what these people are saying. I think even those interns with their stupid Wellesley diplomas are laughing at me. I'm getting sick and tired of the world saying that the Iraq war was a big mistake. Why?? Daddy's happy. Fat Cheney's happy. I guess I'd be happy too, if protesters would be quiet during my nappy time. The kids here don't like me anymore. Are you still grounded for that leak thing? Will you come back and play with me?? Pretty please??
Ok, I just talked to daddy. He says I can give you a "commutation." This means that I still don't forgive you and I still think what you did was very, very bad. But you don't have to go to jail! Yaay!! This means you can come over and we can play Mortal Kombat and pretend that they're Israelis and the Palestinians! Oh boy, this is turning out to be the best day, ever!
I gotta go now, buddy. Fat Cheney is at the door again. He's making me learn my times tables and the proper names of all the Big Important People of the World. He says he can't believe a world leader can be such a fucking retard. I guess he's still sore that I called Nelson Mandela "that black feller" last year. I got grounded for that and it wasn't fun.
Write soon, ok? BFF (remember? Best Friends Forever!)
Yours,
Bushie Bush
