GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Asian: Individual of East Asian descent, also a synonym for "Hillary donor."
American dollar: Currency of the United States of America. Has gained recent acceptance for use as door stoppers, cleaning rags, and toilet paper.
Anti-charisma: Social disability resulting in massive dislike or ridicule by one's peers. Well known sufferers include running back Ricky Williams, Voldemort, and Hillary Clinton.
Black: The new black
Budget: Statement of income and liabilities over a fiscal period. In the past 7 years, usually accompanied by lots of zeros and red ink.
Bush-itis: Terrifying disease, causing sufferers extreme stupidity, poverty, ignorance, and in extreme cases, loss of limbs. Symptoms may last up to 8 years, but can usually be alleviated by moving to Canada.
Carte Blanche: (French) The absolute freedom of a President to make believe that invading another country, or spending taxpayer's money, is much like playing with his choo-choo trains (see "Earmark").
Civil liberties: Archaic, seldom-used of rule of law. Stems from the notion that individuals have certain inalienable rights as accorded to them by the United States Constitution. Examples include: the right to free speech, the right to privacy, and protection from government tyranny (see "Human rights").
Chelsea: Individual who is exploited for the political gain of another (see also "Pimped out").
Cindy: Common name given to female American babies. Also the name of John McCain's wife (see "MILF" and "Cougar")
Cougar: Middle-aged woman who wears too-tight Juicy sweatsuits, and is attractive in that jaded, ageing-stripper, Mrs Robinson kind of way (see "Cindy" and "MILF).
Democrat: Individual who is characterized by his affiliation to the Democratic Party platform. Qualities include constant whining, cannibalism, eating one's young, and an inability to organize.
Earmark: To set aside money in one's budget for buying new flight suits, or building big, shiny fences so that the Mexicans can't get in to mow your grass.
Harvard MBA: Credential earned by President George W. Bush, responsible for passing economically sound bills, such as the $471 billion defense measure.
Hill-Billy: Refers to a voter who missed his Clinton-era years so much, that he voted for Hillary in the primaries.
Human rights: The indisputable right of an individual to eat at McDonald's, drink coffee at Starbucks, and embrace democracy by having bombs dropped on him (see "Civil liberties").
McCain: Probable Republican nominee for the President of the United States. Credited with the Beach Boys-inspired pro-war anthem, "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran."
MILF: (acronym) Mom I'd Like to Fuck (see "Cindy" and "Cougar).
Obama-rama: Slang term for nationwide phenomenon. Symptoms include glassy eyes and slightly crazed optimism in face of impending disaster.
Oprah-ximate: Statistical term referring to the spike in a politician's popularity after receiving an endorsement from Oprah Winfrey.
Pimped out: Urban slang term. Refers to (a) embellishing one's personal belongings for the purpose of inclusion in MTV Cribs; (b) a person who exploits another for her own political gain (see "Chelsea").
Plagiarism: To accuse another candidate of intellectual dishonesty, because you are really, really sick of being the smelly kid that no one wants to play with.
Filibuster: Technical term for a napping Democratic Senator.
Fire it Up: Unofficial Obama campaign slogan, used a symbol of renewed vigor. Also a colloquial term popularized by stoners. Refers to the act of lighting up a pipe, in order to imbibe illicit drugs such as marijuana.
First-term senator: The last political rung to the Office of the President of the United States.
Florida: Fourth most populous state in the U.S. Of little consequence to national affairs, except during Spring Break and the Presidential elections.
I Got A Crush On Obama: Love song to presidential candiate Barack Obama, made popular on Youtube. Proof of Obama's success in reaching out to the New Jersey Puerto Rican stripper voting bloc.
Independent: Individual who votes based on issues, rather than party affiliation. List of Independent luminaries include: Gary Coleman, Ralph Nader, and Kinky Friedman.
Iraq: Country in the Middle-East rich with untapped oil reserves. Also a synonym for a smoke screen, or decoy directive for a more sinister operation, such as tapping said oil reserves.
Liberal: Derogatory term. Refers to a person who reads "The Nation" and likes having abortions and having sex with trees.
Republican: Derogatory term. Refers to that old, creepy guy next door who likes to wear slightly dirty, camel-colored Members Only jackets, and still wants you to sit on his knee, "just like the old days." (see "McCain").
Yes We Can: Rallying cry for Obama supporters. Convenient super-philosophy to embody the vehicle of almost any supporter's hopes.
You rock Bev!