My friends, up to 50% of my readers found my beloved blog, by doing the nastiest, baffling, and most potentially embarrassing Google searches ever.
Here's a list of strangers that stumbled on my blog, and their corresponding Google searches:
India: Google search "God is a Girl" (I thought he was an old, bearded man who lives in the sky and looks like John Lennon. But yeah, sure)
Snellville, GA, United States: Google Search "what baby tapeworms" (buddy, you need a doctor, pronto)
United Kingdom: Google Search "free porn boysfood" (go directly to their website, eejit)
Australia: Google Search "the happiest place on earth guitar chords" (something tells me this guy is really into Dungeons and Dragons)
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States: Google Search "why is spell St Paddys day" (why indeed?)
Gothenberg, Vastra Gostaland, Sweden: Google Search "hanna montana spell" (I TOLD YOU THAT KID WAS TROUBLE!)
France: Google Search "fuck my kid" (ooookkaaay. You need to be put away, you sick bastard)
Cochin, Kerala, India: Google search "pretty woman julia roberts blow job" (Ah, the famous piano scene. Blow jobs transcend even the most stalwart ethnic boundaries. What a warm and fuzzy notion)
Palmyra, United States: Google search "karaoke songs if you really can't sing" (You do karaoke BECAUSE you can't sing, dumbass. If you COULD sing, you would have a record contract already)
Indianapolis, IN, United States: Google search "bff letter" (just write from the heart, Little Suzie. Your bff will wind up stealing your junior high boyfriend and give him herpes, but you don't need to know that yet)
Dehli, India: Google search "look at uncovered girls" (How charming. Welcome home, honey! I got a little treat for you. You may uncover me tonight)
Charlottsville, VA, United States: Google search "BLOWJOB BY MOM" (Dude! Did you not get hugged enough as a child?)
New York, United States: Google Search "too young for hannah montana" (I hope to god this is a concerned parent, and not some creepy 13 year old would-be stalker)
Metz, Lorraine, France: Google Search "the MILF next door" (Excellent choice, sir. May I suggest "The MILF's Go To France" as an appetizer?)
New York, United States: Google search "how white am i quiz" (I don't know, but my guess is, you're pretty fucking lame)
Sacramento, California, United States: Google search "bert and ernie blowjob" (You must have had a field day at Avenue Q)
