Bring on the heat, the crowds, the bugs, the mud. Stock up on beer and wet naps. Roll out the RV. Leave your Crackberry at home. Langerado is here.

This year's three day live music extravaganza has switched locales from it's original Markham Park location, to the Big Cypress Indian Reservation. The only way to access the Big Cypress Reservation is via Alligator Alley. Which means this - we will be in Butt Fucking Nowhere. Now, as far as I'm concerned, Butt Fucking Nowhere is an awesome a place as any to have a live music fest. Where I come from in Southern California, any music fest where you're not placed in mortal danger of dehydration or snake bites, is not a music fest worth it's salt. For this fact alone, I am eagerly anticipating the hair-raising, awe-inspiring, sensory overloading audio orgasm that is Langerado 2008.

Of course, I cannot speak of this exciting sojourn, without making mention of my fellow travelers. There will be 4 other people vigorously shedding their 9-5 corporate face masks along with me. They are: my husband, The Marmot; my ad exec friend, The Fiery Redhead; her boyfriend, Guitar Hero, and fellow blogger, The Sneaker Pimp. Their musical tastes run the gamut from indie rock, to 80's cheese glam, to hip hop, emo and world music. Fortunately, this year's Langerado lineup promises something for everybody. That's right - even if all you listen to are Billboard chart toppers and "best of" mixes, the Beastie Boys and REM will still get you moving.

Thievery Corporation will also be there, and I am dying, waiting, SALIVATING for them to play tracks off their latest album, "The Cosmic Game." Ever since wunderkinds Rob Garza and Eric Hilton teamed up, my life has become a Brazilian bossa-nova soundtrack, infused with moody female songstresses. Well, not really, but that's how good their newest tracks are. I caught a performance featuring Thievery Corporation, playing in conjunction with the Miami-based New World Symphony, and the effect was nothing short of astounding. Over the years, Thievery Corp has gotten progressively more experimental with adding orchestral textures to their songs. Their massive following attests to how accessible and moving this format is.

Matisyahu, another fusion artiste, will be performing his signature medley of reggae and Hasidic Judaism. No newcomer to the spirit of Langerado, Matisyahu's performance at last year's show ended on a particularly high note. Against the backdrop of a setting sun, Matisyahu hurled out "King Without a Crown" with searing veracity, then went straight into a spirited, 10 minute horah with some audience members. That was the moment when my friends and I looked at each other and nodded silently, eyes slitty through a haze of a weed. Every young person who feels music in his soul, yearns to share this connection with others. Matisyahu is that person, so seeing him perform makes you want to, well, horah it out with a complete stranger. His latest album 'Youth" is a little more dancehall reggae oriented.The rousing exhalations to God have not disappeared. Rather, they are subsumed beneath a salute to the revolutionary spirit of young people. "What I'm Fighting For" is the perfect encapsulation of this rallying cry.

I saved the best for last: Matt Pond P.A.

"Several Arrows Later" was released in October 2005, but I was blissfully unaware of their existence until The Marmot and I first started dating. He would plug in his iPod, crank up the speakers, and launch into Just How Cool This Fucking Band Is. It took a while for the songs to grow on me. Some of the orchestral instruments were overbearing, such as the violins in "It Is Safe" and the cellos in "From Debris". Pond's signature classic, "The Moviegoer," was synthetic and whiny, I felt. But one morning, over eggs and the New York Times, "Halloween" rang in from the living room. And that was when I caught on to the raw, emotionally charged wonder of Pond's voice. His scathing criticism of pop culture ("If you don't know or care you'll be alright/I heard it's modern to be stupid/You don't need to talk to look good.") is laid out over gentle hooks and tender melodic swells. There is no magic formula to this band's success - just a very raw, organic indie sound with lyrics that tug at your heart strings. Think Weezer, minus the power chords and nerd glasses. Two years later, I wound up marrying The Marmot. I wonder if he knows that Matt Pond P.A. probably had something to do with it. They are easily my most anticipated band of Langerado 2008.

Will Ani di Franco freak out, as she always does? Will Les Claypool indulge in our love for all things retro, and play classic Primus? Will Ozomatli go heavy on the cumbia, and lighter on the dub? Who the *** knows. You'll just have to keep reading this blog.

Ahoy, good citizens! Are you completely baffled as to which candidate to pick? Confused about the complex terminology that the media keeps throwing around? Well, fear no more. Your friend Bev is here to help guide you through the 2008 Presidential election.

GLOSSARY OF TERMS

Asian: Individual of East Asian descent, also a synonym for "Hillary donor."

American dollar: Currency of the United States of America. Has gained recent acceptance for use as door stoppers, cleaning rags, and toilet paper.

Anti-charisma: Social disability resulting in massive dislike or ridicule by one's peers. Well known sufferers include running back Ricky Williams, Voldemort, and Hillary Clinton.

Black: The new black

Budget: Statement of income and liabilities over a fiscal period. In the past 7 years, usually accompanied by lots of zeros and red ink.

Bush-itis: Terrifying disease, causing sufferers extreme stupidity, poverty, ignorance, and in extreme cases, loss of limbs. Symptoms may last up to 8 years, but can usually be alleviated by moving to Canada.

Carte Blanche: (French) The absolute freedom of a President to make believe that invading another country, or spending taxpayer's money, is much like playing with his choo-choo trains (see "Earmark").

Civil liberties: Archaic, seldom-used of rule of law. Stems from the notion that individuals have certain inalienable rights as accorded to them by the United States Constitution. Examples include: the right to free speech, the right to privacy, and protection from government tyranny (see "Human rights").

Chelsea: Individual who is exploited for the political gain of another (see also "Pimped out").

Cindy: Common name given to female American babies. Also the name of John McCain's wife (see "MILF" and "Cougar")

Cougar: Middle-aged woman who wears too-tight Juicy sweatsuits, and is attractive in that jaded, ageing-stripper, Mrs Robinson kind of way (see "Cindy" and "MILF).

Democrat: Individual who is characterized by his affiliation to the Democratic Party platform. Qualities include constant whining, cannibalism, eating one's young, and an inability to organize.

Earmark: To set aside money in one's budget for buying new flight suits, or building big, shiny fences so that the Mexicans can't get in to mow your grass.

Harvard MBA: Credential earned by President George W. Bush, responsible for passing economically sound bills, such as the $471 billion defense measure.

Hill-Billy: Refers to a voter who missed his Clinton-era years so much, that he voted for Hillary in the primaries.

Human rights: The indisputable right of an individual to eat at McDonald's, drink coffee at Starbucks, and embrace democracy by having bombs dropped on him (see "Civil liberties").

McCain: Probable Republican nominee for the President of the United States. Credited with the Beach Boys-inspired pro-war anthem, "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran."

MILF: (acronym) Mom I'd Like to Fuck (see "Cindy" and "Cougar).

Obama-rama: Slang term for nationwide phenomenon. Symptoms include glassy eyes and slightly crazed optimism in face of impending disaster.

Oprah-ximate: Statistical term referring to the spike in a politician's popularity after receiving an endorsement from Oprah Winfrey.

Pimped out: Urban slang term. Refers to (a) embellishing one's personal belongings for the purpose of inclusion in MTV Cribs; (b) a person who exploits another for her own political gain (see "Chelsea").

Plagiarism: To accuse another candidate of intellectual dishonesty, because you are really, really sick of being the smelly kid that no one wants to play with.

Filibuster: Technical term for a napping Democratic Senator.

Fire it Up: Unofficial Obama campaign slogan, used a symbol of renewed vigor. Also a colloquial term popularized by stoners. Refers to the act of lighting up a pipe, in order to imbibe illicit drugs such as marijuana.

First-term senator: The last political rung to the Office of the President of the United States.

Florida: Fourth most populous state in the U.S. Of little consequence to national affairs, except during Spring Break and the Presidential elections.

I Got A Crush On Obama: Love song to presidential candiate Barack Obama, made popular on Youtube. Proof of Obama's success in reaching out to the New Jersey Puerto Rican stripper voting bloc.

Independent: Individual who votes based on issues, rather than party affiliation. List of Independent luminaries include: Gary Coleman, Ralph Nader, and Kinky Friedman.

Iraq: Country in the Middle-East rich with untapped oil reserves. Also a synonym for a smoke screen, or decoy directive for a more sinister operation, such as tapping said oil reserves.

Liberal: Derogatory term. Refers to a person who reads "The Nation" and likes having abortions and having sex with trees.

Republican: Derogatory term. Refers to that old, creepy guy next door who likes to wear slightly dirty, camel-colored Members Only jackets, and still wants you to sit on his knee, "just like the old days." (see "McCain").

Yes We Can: Rallying cry for Obama supporters. Convenient super-philosophy to embody the vehicle of almost any supporter's hopes.

To paraphrase Democratic candidate Barack Obama, "We Want Change." In response to which Former President Bill Clinton might say, "It depends on what the meaning of 'is' is." Meaning, who are the "we's" that want change, and what kind of change is it that these separate "we's" want?

This is no simple question. Since Obama and Clinton first entered the Great Campaign Derby, us Democrats have been poring over the betting board, discussing spreads and dividends, calling on every expert in sight to weigh in. Clinton - no filly herself, and a seasoned political challenger, faces the distinct disadvantage of, well, not being liked. Obama - the young steed from Chicago, has emerged as a front-runner for the first time. Of course, there are those damning whispers that Obama is a novice, a "roughie," and has not been around the block enough. October is looming, the stakes are getting higher, and both challengers are in a dead heat.

As it is at the horse races, so it shall be with the 2008 Presidential Election. Us fractious, quarrelsome, unable-to-get-our-shit-together Democrats are going to resort to the most sordid of American traits. We are going to pick the crowd favorite. The horse with the funnier name. The one with more mass appeal. The guy that we think we'd enjoy having a beer and playing darts with. The one who peppers his impassioned speeches with universally likable concepts, such as "Hope" and "Change." Unfortunately for Clinton, the Big Betting Board is starting to favor Obama. And that is a crying shame.

In the interest of self-disclosure, I am a Clinton supporter. I am not, however, an avowed Clinton supporter, and this is precisely what her campaign lacks - scores of die-hard Hillary-ites, enough to get her elected. In spite of her clearly articulated platform, her political pedigree, and her 8 years of White House experience, Clinton suffers from a severe case of anti-charisma. While this is an regrettable hangover from her fat-kid-in-the-corner days a new First Lady, with the Tammy Wynette and cookie-baking faux paux, Clinton's pervasive aura of uncool is costing her the election.

Us pundits? After 8 years of Bush's Bible-And-A-Smirk routine, we are hungry for Cool. We are dying for Cool. When a good looking, young steed like Obama trots up, with his pickup basketball skills and his sexy timbre, plus a Grammy-winning audio book, it is all too easy to start feting him as our Grand New Hope. It is all too easy to stop thinking critically, and cave in to the seductive notion of the firebrand, the revolutionary, the clean slate. As the race for the Democratic candidacy has intensified these past few months, I have watched one friend after another, climb aboard the Obama bandwagon, spouting aphorisms like "Yes, We Can" and "Fire It Up." Yet, while I too yearn for inspiration and revolution, while I have a soft spot in my heart for MLK-style speeches, this roar that gets louder every day makes me uncomfortable. Our propensity to hang on to catch phrases and soft-focus videos smacks of a lynch mob mentality. The kind that usually comes attached to a " 9/11 - Love Bush, Kill Arabs" redneck. We laughed at those Bushies, remember? Well, guess what my friends. We might be guilty of the same crime. The crime of not thinking critically.

When this race comes to a head on March 4, my fervent wish is this:

I hope we have it in us to put aside cool. I hope we dispense with this idiotic need to buddy up with our President, to feel as if he is "one of us." I hope we look past the Scarlett Johansson endorsements and the youtube videos exhalting us to embrace a nebulous, yet-unexplained definition of "change." Forget the President-As-Everyman fantasy. Our country is slipping into a recession, our trade deficit is at an all-time high, and our foreign policy has turned into a bad Dr. Seuss nightmare. To fix this, we need more than cool. We need tenaciousness, political savvy, and White House experience. We need to come to terms with the fact that our country cannot afford the blunders of a novice. We need a President who has the clout, the track record and the know-how. And for that, we don't need to like her personality.

Oops, was that a Freudian slip?

Sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday"

Happy New Year to me
(Asian population - 0.04% on Miami Beach, according to Wiki)

Happy New Year to me
(No more red packets from mom and dad - I went and got married)

Happy New Year to me
(I could party it up with dirty old men at the Mandarin's "Chinese New Year" party for $125 per head!)

Happy New Year to me
(Is it 4706, 5768, or 2008?)