How does that apply to girls like me, who a) lived 4 blocks way from her boyfriend (now fiance) when they started dating, and b) are just as irreligious as their boyfriends (except about Heat basketball)? I have your answer. Kayaking is the true measure of whether your relationship will last.
Almost 3 years ago, when I first moved to Miami, I went on a Puerto Rico trip with one of my best friends, and our now ex-boyfriends. It was one of those couples trips that, in my mind, signified my introduction into proper female adulthood. Ah, what I didn't know back then. The kayaking trip seemed innocuous enough. It took place at night, and our group was supposed to paddle out to a bio-luminescent bay, where plankton, when jolted by movement, would light up in an eerie green glow. It really was quite beautiful, but I have almost no recollection of that outing. Why?
I was stuck in the same kayak with "A". You see, this was my first time kayaking, and I had no fucking idea what to expect. I wanted my own kayak. I wanted my own adventure. I was game for anything. "A", on the other hand, had been kayaking several times before, and insisted that I "sit in the back." I went along with that idea, even when the kayak guide seemed surprised. I thought that sitting in the back of a kayak was akin to sitting in the backseat of the car. I.e. - you sit back and smile, while he does all the steering and paddling.
WRONG.
Not only was I charged with the bulk of all the steering and paddling, I also did not have the upper body strength to propel us both forward. We were quite possibly the slowest kayak in the entire group. How supportive was "A" throughout the entire ordeal? Not at all. In fact, he was a prick about it. "You're working against me!" "Paddle faster!" "What the hell are you doing back there?" After thirty minutes of this commentary, I stopped paddling and leaned back. I did nothing. He scowled when we got to our destination, then scowled when we reached our hotel room. I felt awful. I made us slow. I made us the beta couple. It was all my fault.
I realized that this was the perfect metaphor for our relationship. You're stuck in a sinking ship with a guy (in our case, a flimsy kayak), you need to get someplace, and one of you isn't up to the task. What do you do? How do you overcome the obstacles that plague your every turn? What do you say to your partner? Do you trust him to talk you through this? When the going gets tough, do you love each other enough, so that one of you doesn't "lean back and do nothing?"
That kayak ride was the beginning of the end. How I managed to be with him for two years following that incident, I have no idea. I should have cut and ran then. I should have paddled away as fast as my puny little arms would have let me.
This weekend, I am embarking on another kayaking adventure with my fiance. It will be our first time kayaking together. Yet, I have no sense of fear of trepidation, only an ever-growing sense of excitement. This is a man whom I have been snorkeling with, who, when he discovered that I have a weird earache whenever I dive down low, decided that he would keep me company by looking at marine life on the ocean's surface with me. A guy who wants me to publish that book already, because he knows that was what I was meant to do. I will love kayaking with him, as I will with everything that I am less than good at, because there is no fear, no judgment. Just a wellspring of warmth and genuine love for life.
I know what I'll do, too. I won't get into a double kayak with him. I will get my own, so that I can paddle with him, side by side. Because life doesn't stop when you're in a relationship. Rocky coasts, stormy weather, blind spots - life doesn't ease up, just because you're in the same boat. It's enough to know that we're in the same ocean together, seeing the same sights, taking in the same salty air. It's enough to know that if I were to flip over, he'd be the first to duck under and pull me out. I'm in my own boat, and he is in his. But we're in it together, and that's what counts.
I just found this post on the internet and you know, it is one of the most beautiful accounts of how to tell when a relationship is working well or not. Thanks for sharing your experience (and wisdom)! Going to go take a look now at the rest of your blog, I really like your writing style.